LSAT Demon = Perfection

I’ve spent the last week using any spare time drilling logical reasoning, logic games, and reading comp using the LSAT Demon. I currently have a free study account with them and plan to upgrade soon so that I can access more material, live classes, and study groups. So far, so good.

Being able to study from my phone in pockets of time has been wonderful. If you’re familiar with LSAT land, the same guys that run The Demon also run the Thinking LSAT podcast — which I also highly recommend. I’ll be putting together a study schedule recommended by the Demon and I’ll share that soon. Feeling really excited, but don’t wanna jinx anything.

Hopeful

After writing my last post, I had a good cry with my husband where I shared all of my fears and worries about law school fitting into our life. He’s been on this LSAT saga with me since 2010 and I know bringing up law school can sometimes be triggering for him.

To my surprise, his expression was gentle as he watched me frantically explain my worries. After I’d rambled on for a few minutes, he took my hands and told me to do it. To let go of my worries and to just jump in. No more excuses, no more fear.

Psht. Easier said than done, but something shifted in that conversation. That itty bitty bit of hope I found in my last (ah-ha moment) post grew. It reminds of the Hunger Games when President Snow is talking about Katniss being the Mockingjay.

via here

In this case, I hope this spark burns big and bright. I pray the hope that I’ve found becomes the weapon that overcomes my fears. Jesus, take the wheel.

An AH-Ha moment

I don’t update here often. That’s an obvious statement, I know. The fact of the matter is, things change for me a lot. My last post stated that I registered for the April LSAT – which was a true statement. What ended up happening was that I found out that I was pregnant, and actually had the newest addition this summer (this makes kid #6 for anyone counting), and pushed the April registration off until January 2022.

As I type this, I realize I’ll have to contact LSAC to change my location, because my family also relocated again in October. That’s our 5th move in three years for my husband’s job.

As a mom, I’ve always desired to go to law school, but only if I could figure out how to be a good mom and a good student at the same time. My plans for law school existed long before my life of motherhood, and with each little soul entrusted to me, one thing remains — I have yet to crack to code on how to do both.

You’re probably thinking I’m crazy, and that having six kids means that my life is utter chaos. I’m happy to report, that you’d only be half correct. My family is big, but we are comfortable in the chaos and rock schedules better than anyone I know. The two toddlers and infant are asleep by 7:30pm, and the older three kids follow at 8:30pm. I am fortunate to have my little sister as a part-time Nanny, and a husband that’s been on board with my law school dreams for years.

So the million dollar question – what’s the problem? Why haven’t I left LSAT Land and moved along to applications and my 1L year?

When it boils down to it, I think I’m just simply scared. Scared of failing. Scared of not paying enough attention to my children. Scared that I’ll be stretched too thin. And while those are all valid fears, do you want to know what I’m more afraid of?

That I’ll look back with regret.

I don’t regret the time I’ve spent as a stay-at-home mom with law school dreams. I finished undergrad and grad school online, I’ve written a book (that needs to be edited, but that’s a story for another day), and I’ve survived the death of my father. But my family is re-settled in my husband’s hometown on the East Coast, and I’m a stone’s throw from a wonderful law school.

Deep down, I know that I could manage it. Between scrolling social media, Netflix, and writing stories — that alone is hours a day that could be reallocated for law school.

This post is a bit all over the place, but I’m glad it’s been written. Through it, I’ve sort of had an ah-ha moment, one that I’ve needed to unearth for quite some time. I can’t promise that I’ll take the January LSAT, or that I’ll start law school next year. All I know is that a ball is in motion, and I am going to head in the right direction.